Curiosity Made Me Do It
How do we shift ourselves, and others from an externally focused type of motivation to one that literally “lives” inside us, or what we call intrinsic motivation? Years ago I ran wellness programs for a large hospital system. I could get almost anyone to do, nearly anything, for a free t-shirt. I know the free t-shirt was more than just a prize. It also represented a sense of belonging. A symbol of achievement and having made it into the “club.” It was also bragging rights. I wear my t-shirt and you get to see what I’ve done. I am wearing my accomplishment.
But I noticed something. After the newness of that t-shirt had worn off, and likely after a few washings of the shirt itself, a kind of complacency set in. I didn’t notice the shirt anymore. It became just like every other shirt in my stack of t-shirts. And the connection I felt to my accomplishment was no longer so strongly attached to the shirt. So when I put the shirt on, I didn’t have the same kinds of thoughts I had, the same level of pride and inspiration as the first or second time I wore it. The magic of the shirt had paled.
And correspondingly, so did my commitment to the “thing” I had to do to win the t-shirt in the first place. So if I had to exercise three days a week, and take my breaks at work to rest and restore, and engage in yoga twice a week, in order to “win” the t-shirt to begin with, what I noticed is my motivation to KEEP DOING these same things had dwindled. The habits that were firmly entrenched in me, like exercise in my case, continued on. But it was the newer habits, the baby ones, that I started to forget and neglect. What happened to all that “rah rah” let’s go energy?
A t-shirt is a great example of extrinsic motivation driving us to try something new. To take up a new challenge or activity, or to engage in a calming and settling kind of practice like breath work or mindfulness, or meditation. When the external reward is achieved (or removed), I find myself, slowly, returning to my old habits. Why? Because those habit grooves are DEEPER and they’ve been with me longer. They are like that old pair of jeans I wear that are super comfortable and fit in all the right places. I don’t have to hold in my stomach, or lie on the bed to get them buttoned. You know the ones. They always fit. Old habits are like this. They always fit.
New habits are like new jeans, or in my case, waxed jeans that the person in the trendy store talked me into buying. They are good, ok, but a little strange. I’m not sure yet. I bought them because I wanted to be cool, and trendy. Something I am almost never accused of being. But what the heck, I decided that I would give trendy a go. But I find myself NOT wearing them. Not because they aren’t comfortable, which they are strangely. And not because they aren’t cute, because they are that too. But because they are UNFAMILIAR to me. They are not my old jeans. My instincts do not go towards them.
How can I change this pattern of drifting back to the old and familiar? CURIOSITY and INTEREST are the skills to nurture if we want to engage in a new behavior that leads to a new habit. How do we start? We pay attention to something that is calling us. A noticing, an urge, an instinct, a hunch, or a dream. It can be a glimmer of something small, but we sense it could grow into something much bigger if we give it a chance. We can help ourselves and others restore our natural curiosity and inquisitiveness. We can start to ask ourselves, “how do I feel about this new thing? Am I afraid? Am I excited?” And we can pay attention to what the curiosity FEELS like, not just what we think about it. I am expert at just thinking about something, and not acting on it. I can win the gold for my over-thinking stuff.
If we lose our curiosity, our learning becomes slower, harder and there is a tendency for painful memories of past failures to rise up and overtake us. I’ve had that experience where my head suddenly says, “you’ve tried this before and it didn’t work. You always get too busy to keep meditation as part of your daily routine. You know you will fail.” If I turn into that warning voice, and just notice it, and be curious about it, chances are it will become something I LEARN from, and not an obstacle to me starting a meditation practice again. And here’s another secret. Practicing anything is a series of starting and stopping. How long is our gap of time between? That’s a question to get curious about.
Can we get curious?
Can we stay in curiosity?
“Response to desire is the cornerstone to growth.” Richard Strozzi-Heckler says. He is a psychologist and six-degree Aikido black belt. And desire is that place where we start to notice, and get curious. This is moving toward MORE of who we are and what we really want. And not the motivation for simple pleasures like sweets or instant gratification. These are not bad or wrong, but they do not move us into being MORE of who we are. They are temporary satisfactions, instant gratification, and not the stuff of deeper learning.
There is a time to listen to who we are and also a time to GO WITH our desires and urges. And when we are curious, we FEEL it. Our hands may tingle, our blood surge, we may feel hot, and even feel ourselves “vibrate” when our curiosity takes hold and suddenly we get an idea. These ideas born out of curiosity are the seeds for change. And they work just as well on larger organisms like organizations, businesses and professional firms. The same energy needed to drive change in ourselves is the same energy we need for our work, for our companies, and our communities. That spark of curiosity that we hang with, and get to know, let take root, and then DO SOMETHING.
The birth of curiosity and the taking hold of an idea…that’s the path to intrinsic motivation.
