The Power of a “Loss List”

If you’re making a transition, this could help

I am in a major transition. I have left a full-time, highly compensated career to go out on my own, to build a business of writing, teaching, coaching, and consulting. Last July, I gave a six month notice so I could transition, hopefully, with grace and time to wrap up projects. The decision to give a six month notice was monumental. It led me to writing a minimum of 1000 words a day, in order to capture my experiences and help me process such a huge life change. You see, quitting a stable job is the biggest challenge I have faced in my life. Maybe that sounds insignificant against other challenges in life, but I have always worked to make a living, and for the sheer joy that can be found in being part of something larger than yourself. Walking away from it was like giving up a part of me.

My life of work began when I was in middle school. My Aunt and Uncle managed a pumpkin farm. On the weekends, I measured pumpkins for a price and collected $5 per car at the admissions gate. In high school I did a lot of babysitting and the summer after graduation I was a lifeguard at a local pool. I worked my way through undergrad at Ball State University as a writing tutor in the Learning Center, and later as a pharmacy technician on weekends in the local drug store. Upon graduation with a B.S. in Exercise Physiology and Wellness I found an early morning job five days a week working in a corporate gym as an instructor. I had a “day” job in addition to this part-time work. This led to eventually having one full time job while going to graduate school at the same time to eventually earn two more degrees that led me to the career I have (had) today.

My moto has been to keep moving “up and to the right” into bigger and bigger roles, with more responsibility and accountability, as well as higher compensation. Until now. This journey is not about the road to retirement. This is about reaching the top of the ladder, as Steven Covey says, only to realize it is today leaning against the wrong wall. It’s a funny thing about ladders. The only way to get to another building, it turns out, when you are at the top of a ladder, is to climb down and move the ladder, or get on top of the building it’s leaning against and jump to another building. I decided to jump to another building even though my natural instincts told me it would be safer to slowly climb down that ladder and move it.

I am gainfully self-employed.

When I decided to make this transition, I began to chronicle the journey. The process of writing has been critically important and helped me reflect upon and understand my emotions, thoughts, and actions. My transition has not been perfect. I will share the good and the not so good times with you. I want to tell you what I’ve learned, and how it is connected to much of what I have read and studied over the years especially about loss, fear, vulnerability, evolution, and living the life you want. This is intended to be a series, but I will help each piece stand alone.

I started with a Loss List.

When I first decided to leave my profession, I sat down and made a list of the things I was going to lose. A “Loss List” is what I called it. It made sense to just get it on paper and be crazy realistic about what I was about to give up. My list started with those things I was reluctant to lose because I had worked so hard to achieve them. This included my title, the status of achievement, financial security and stability, a great credit score (evidence of measuring up), a downtown office, business lunches and dinners, a travel budget, an assistant, a team I had built, and relationships with colleagues. I had also achieved the freedom to make my own decisions about what I would work on and when. I took a deep breath as I wrote about these things. They are significant and as I re-read my list, I felt panic. Could I really give up all that I had accomplished in my professional life?

The Loss List turned into something unexpected.

Then something unexpected happened. And it would not have happened unless I had been writing about it. My loss list morphed into other things I would be losing when I stepped away from the corporate position: stress of being in charge and always on, the isolation and loneliness that comes with leadership, fear of always almost failing, or what feels like almost failing all the time. I realized I would be losing the constant pressure to measure up, and endless time spent in meetings. I would lose the jockeying for achievement and the hustle for worthiness. I would lose the corporate me and gain a new me who could focus on creativity, connecting with others in deeper and more meaningful ways, writing to inspire others to achieve, and generating for the sake of beauty, not just meeting constant deadlines and attending more meetings.

Have I ever seen this version of me? Maybe, but only a small part of me from a long time ago that was not as well formed as I am today. Today I have evolved to be more fully a woman, wife, parent, and a soul on its journey to being and doing what my soul was born to do. Paulo Coelho in the Alchemist said that you know you are on the right path when the universe conspires with you. Our goals are not just to fulfill our needs, and lack of happiness but to add to the happiness of the universe.

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. There is one great truth on this planet: Whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you want something, it is because that desire originated in the soul of the Universe. It is your mission on earth.”

I know this new path I have chosen will come with its own set of challenges. I could begin a new Loss List right now and talk about the things I will not have. I eagerly accept the inevitable trade-offs I will make because I think the universe is conspiring to help me on this path I have chosen. Part of adding happiness to the universe, is me sharing with others what I have learned, being vulnerable (a tough one for me), and putting myself out there in ways I have not been willing or able to do before. I have benefited over my career from others who risked being vulnerable and sharing the story of their journey. Now I give back and hope that what I have done resonates somehow and helps others on their journeys. I encourage you, if you are making a transition, to write your own “loss” list and see if it morphs into something unexpected for you. And if you do make a list, I would love to hear about it. Up next for me in writing about my transition will be a story of letting go. Let’s just say I had to watch Frozen in the middle of the night when I could not sleep to help me on this stage of the transitional journey. Cue the song.