The most powerful question: Tell me about YOU.

Nobody cares to see our data, to hear how much we know, until we do one thing first.

Connect with Empathy.

My friend Lu is one of those people you like the minute you say hello. I met her when she arrived on my doorstop after my husband and I had moved into the neighborhood. She was part of an informal “welcome” committee. After looking me squarely in the eye, the first things out of Lu were this: “Well, hello, welcome to the neighborhood. We are so excited to have you here and we can’t wait to learn about you.”

First of all, WELCOME was the message. Followed by messages of ACCEPTANCE and BELONGING, and then on the heels of that was an invitation to TELL THE STORY of who we were and how our lives got us to this point, to this neighborhood.

So simple, really.

And yet, most of us don’t do this. I know I don’t do this all that often, or really all that well. My opening dialogue runs something more like this: “Hey, I’m Denise. What do you do?” You see, my focus goes almost immediately to WHAT YOU DO, the doing side of a person, how they make money, what tasks they accomplish, what activities or hobbies they have.

I know how to connect with the doing side of life. There are times when doing does connect, at least initially. But for any relationship to progress and go deeper, there comes a time when BEING sorts of questions must take center stage. Questions like, what is important to you? And what are you passionate about? What is something you are striving to become more of? Where has life been unfair to you, and how has that shaped you into the person you are today? What gifts do you have, and how have you used your gifts?

There is something magical that happens when someone turns their full attention your way and simply wants to know, like my friend Lu, “all about you.” Sometimes that kind of attention can throw us off balance for a minute. We are not used to people giving us an open stage and an invitation to talk about what matters to us, and why we believe the way we do. We are used to sound bites, less than 150 words, headlines that grab our attention and leave us shaking our heads in doubt or confusion, or both.

But what a wonderful gift we get when someone simply turns to us and with eyes bright with wonder asks, “tell me your story.” I believe there is no greater gift we can give to someone, or to ourselves, then providing the space and place to allow someone to be seen, and heard.

Here are a few more of my favorite “being” questions that can prompt someone to share more about themselves, deepening your relationship.

1. What were you passionate about as a child?
2. What are you especially good at?
3. How do you connect with other people? What is this like for you?
4. Do you believe in regret? How has that shaped who you are?
5. What was the last mysterious thing that happened to you? Tell me about it.