You will flow blind
I signed up for a guided meditation class offered as part of a wellness program. I had never tried guided meditation before, and I was curious what kind of health benefits I might get from it. I arrived early to get a good spot. There were about thirty others in the class. The instructor, a kind looking woman in her thirties, asked us to settle into a comfortable position either lying on our backs on the floor, or sitting in a chair. She told us to close our eyes and focus on our breathing.
I decided to lie on the floor. I focused on my breath feeling a sense of calm as I slowed my thoughts and relaxed my muscles. This was nice. Then she began leading us through the guided part of this meditation by taking us on a journey much like a storyteller would. We were walking through a woods, noticing the trees, then strolling along a bubbling brook. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and we were instructed to notice all of it. Again, this was very comfortable.
After a few minutes of being in the enchanted forest, she asked us to picture a rock staircase leading to a beautiful castle. The staircase curved upward to the castle which was a multi-story stone structure right out of my childhood fantasies. Oh, this was good. I was feeling excited to be going to this world. I loved C.S. Lewis as a child, and this had all those exciting elements of fantasy and secrets, secret worlds, and passageways.
As I neared the top step, the instructor told us we were to go to the front door, grasp the large metal ring and knock. The King of the castle would be opening the door and when he did he would have a message for us. This just kept getting better and better. Now I was going to get a secret message! I knocked on the door, and it magically opened and there stood my image of a King, complete with the cape, crown, and specter. He had a Kingly beard, and a royal posture.
“Hello, King,” I said. “I am here for my message.”
Nothing. No response. The King just stared at me as if he didn’t understand English.
“Uh, I was told to come here” I said. “You have something to share with me?”
Again, nothing. Just a blank stare. What was I doing wrong? I had done everything right up to this point. I had listened to the birds sing, noticed the animals in the forest, focused on my breathing, and even kept my eyes closed the whole time.
I tried one more time to get my message and was met with the same stony silence. Well, this apparently wasn’t going to work for me I decided. So, I turned to leave and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a slight movement. I paused and turned back to see what looked like the Queen standing to the King’s right, but slightly behind him. She made eye contact and said….
“You will go blind.”
What? I made this whole journey, was rejected by the King, only to have the Queen tell me I was going to lose my eyesight? What kind of guided meditation was this I wondered. I looked at the Queen with a puzzled expression and she spoke again. I listened more carefully this time and I heard her say…
“You will flow blind.”
Ok, that was definitely better than going blind. But what did it mean? I thanked her because the instructor was telling us to thank the King for his message, so I thanked the Queen since my King was still quite silent. She smiled at me and I turned and walked back down the staircase and through the enchanted forest.
The instructor guided us all the back, and asked us to gently open our eyes and return to the room. Then she invited anyone to share their experience. I was curious what others heard and felt. Everyone was gushing about their King and his message of hope, love, peace, joy, and acceptance. Huh? Not a single person had the experience I just did. Again, my first thought was I did it wrong. Of course I would think that because I follow the rules.
I decided to raise my hand and share my experience. My classmates looked at me with a mix of sympathy and caution. The instructor seemed more intrigued by what happened. After the class, she asked to meet with me and had me describe the experience in a couple different ways, including how I FELT about it. In other words, was it scary, exciting, confusing, happy, etc. I told her at first it was a bit scary thinking it was a premonition about my vision, but then I kind of liked it that the King had nothing to say and it was the Queen who had the message.
What I took away from that experience was generally positive. And, here’s the thing. I took this guided meditation over 20 years ago. And I still remember it as if it was a few weeks ago. I think about “flowing blind” and how that has defined the path that I have taken personally and professionally. But isn’t that all our paths? For those of us dedicated to checklists, and strategic plans, flowing blind can seem like a really bad idea. But there are so many paths that we can take, and so many that we will not take. There is a magic to it, an art, as much as there is science.
I learned from this simple 30 minute exercise over two decades ago that I will not be in control of everything that will come my way. Some things will be a beautiful mystery and I will be flowing blind. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plan, because planning helps us think about what is important to us. But we should not plan at the expense of the magic.
A few weeks after this experience, I was in a store looking at greeting cards because my mom’s birthday was coming up. My eye caught on an abstract picture of a Queen. I reached for the card, knowing that it was going to be another message of some sort. I opened it and do you know what it said?
“Speak to your Queen, and she will answer.”
I stood there, feeling a bit overwhelmed with this powerful message. I would not always heed it, but I would always return to it. It’s message is simple, especially in complicated times, that there is a certain amount of “flowing blind” that we all will do. We should plan, we should prepare, do our homework, and think about outcomes. But we need room for mystery and surprise.
